BraveWhat if everyone took their cues of how to treat you…from you? What if your desire to be valued, loved, respected, validated began…with you?

What if the hokey-pokey really IS what it’s all about?

It’s what I’ve been playing with most these days. I’ve been hearing myself say a lot to my clients (and to myself): “You Go First.”

Because here’s the thing, how can we ask others to do something for us when we’re not even doing it for ourselves? But yet so often this is what we want. Not to put too sharp of a point on it, but we want others to do the heavy lifting for us. How fair is that? How sustainable is that?

You go first. And show ’em how it’s done.

You want to feel loved? How well are you loving yourself these days? Go there.

You want to feel sexy? Attractive? How turned on by yourself are you these days? Start with that.

You want to feel valued? Respected? Do you see the value you bring? Are you respecting yourself – your decisions, your needs, your instincts? Try that on for size.

But you go first. And see how people will follow your lead.

What if it were as simple (and as daunting) as that? What if the keys to what we want most rested squarely in our own hands? What if it was your turn to “go” but you didn’t realize it?

You’ve had that experience, right? Where you’re playing a game with someone – chess, or cribbage or scrabble – and you sit there patiently waiting for your opponent to go. You think they’re deep in thought…mapping out a strategy or weighing their options. And then finally when you’ve waited long enough, you sigh and say, ‘GO!” and they look at you confused and respond, “It’s your turn…” Doh!

That’s what I’m talking about. Assume it’s your turn to make a move. And make it.

See if you can name what you need from others – and then find a way to give it to yourself. You want to feel more appreciated? Do something today to appreciate yourself – send yourself flowers at work, give yourself the day off, leave yourself a love note next to the coffee machine, treat yourself to a dinner out. You want more recognition for what you do? Recognize yourself. Write a list of all the things you DID do this week and celebrate what a badass rock star you are. Buy a bunch of gold stars and paper your bathroom mirror with them. You want to take a bold leap into something new, and want to feel supported? Be your own fiercest champion. Give yourself a pep talk, remind yourself how big your brave is, let yourself know you will be there no matter what – the good, the bad, or the ugly.

Show us how it’s done and we will take your lead.

Or not. Feel free to disregard this and say, “it’s not that easy…or simple.” But what if it actually IS your turn and you’re just sitting there? Waiting. And so are we.